3 Lessons on Finding Love from my Indian Mother

Though my mum got married at a time when arranged marriages were the norm, she met my dad at a party (!).

Asking her and my dad lots of questions about her youth has been so enlightening for me on my own Soulmate Journey.

Here are 3 things she taught me that helped me find The One.

1. Honesty and Integrity First.

“Always tell the truth, and the full truth,” my mum told me. “That’s more attractive and valuable than any job, any amount of money.

So when I meet potential partners, I am really up front with them, in saying:

“I come from India, and have a big Indian family and a LOT of aunties. Marriage has to be part of the plan, and if you’re on board, let’s date!”

He said yes, and we keep the rule of “Honesty always” as front and centre in our relationship.

2. You have to feel comfortable.

That’s what attracted my mum to my dad, like a bee to honey. It taught me that the goal is to feel comfortable, from Day 1. I make sure I can be my loud, talkative, extroverted, ambitious self and drop words like “neo-colonialist complex” and “structural inequality” (but also “poop” 😉 into our early conversations.

When meeting potential partners, I also check whether I can offer him that same level of comfort. Can I accept him exactly as he is, today, even if he never changes?

3. Kindness counts.

Yes, my mum said this, but so did a 90-year longitudinal study from Harvard University on what makes marriage last.

When I meet a potential partner, I check for the small gestures of kindness. Does he hold the door open? Does he check that I’m comfortable? Does he buy me little gifts? Will he help me if I’m dealing with a problem (even a tiny one)?

Mom taught me that kindness was and is endlessly attractive.