The Toxic Behaviour That Blocks Us from Attractng High-Quality Men

Growing up in Mumbai, I spent afternoons with my sister watching “The Flintstones” on TV.

Every day, Wilma Flintstone would go to her stone wall and chat with her neighbour Betty.

Watching this show from our Bombay apartment, I thought Wilma Flintstone was “stonewalling”.

Once I trained to be a Professional Indian Matchmaker, ‘stonewalling’ took on a different meaning.

‘Stonewalling’ means you shut down and refuse to communicate.

You behave like a stone wall.

❌ You don’t say “No.”

❌ You don’t say “Yes.”

❌ You don’t say, “I’m scared and feel stuck.”

Stonewalling isn’t random; it’s a toxic habit built over time.

Often, we do this because of childhood trauma. It’s a way to feel safe when we feel threatened.

Sometimes, it could be because of bad experiences as an adult: A breakup. A toxic relationship.

Or it’s because of loneliness, and long painful years of living alone.

Lots of the ladies who reach out to me for help end up stonewalling me.

We’ll be in the middle of chatting, I’ll ask a question, and then BAM, the wall comes up.

Change (even if we want it) is terrifying. That fear brings out our most toxic habits.

These women are smart, well-educated, and eager for change.

They want the love of a good man, more than anything else.

They are tired of lives led for one.

They deeply crave the peace and emotional security of building your own little family.

Stonewalling guarantees that nothing changes.

That feeling of being frightened makes you want to shut down (stonewalling).

Shutting down means you can feel safe again.

Back in your dark, little cave.

So, they stonewall.

Shut down, and block the communication that will help them meet a Husband Material Man.

Stonewalling blocks any and all emotional security. Stonewalling, according to relationships expert Dr. John Gottman, is one the toxic habits on the path to divorce.

Stonewalling is not the only option. There’s a better one available.

The minute my students join the Perfect Match program, it’s like they breathe lighter. Maybe they are nervous. Maybe they are just slow-to-warm-up babies. So, I give them extra coaching. I check in with them every single day.

➡️ Suddenly, all their questions get answered.

➡️ Suddenly, they have a plan to get engaged.

➡️ Suddenly, they have a best friend who is holding their hand all the way to “I do.”