However, one big obstacle stood in his way…
This is the story of how a 27-year-old data analyst beat the Scarcity Mindset holding him back from achieving his dreams.
How Scarcity Mindset Takes Hold
John is a 27-year-old data analyst with several limiting beliefs. He felt that he wasn’t worth the salary he wanted. He cited lack of adequate work experience as a data analyst, gaps in his employment history, and weak references from past positions. You might feel similar doubts about attracting the right person. Maybe you should first lose some weight. Maybe you need to find a better apartment. Maybe it’s not the right time of year.
While these may be true for John, they don’t have to hold him back from finding his dream job with a great salary. After all, candidates get hired all year round, with all kinds of backgrounds, at the salary he wants.
Similarly, smart and intelligent women want a man who is above all honest, kind, and acts with integrity (“needs”, as described in the above video). The season, your weight on the scale, and the job you have – these are preferences that vary from person to person, and not requirements for entering a stable relationship.
Truths vs. Beliefs
The same mindset comes up in attracting a life partner. You might feel like your list of requirements is too long. Or you’re too old (“It’s too late for me”).
Unlike gravity, momentum, and inertia, these are not universal laws. Rather, they are beliefs we have developed to reinforce a mindset of scarcity, or “not enough”. Not enough matches, not enough compatibility, not enough time. These “invisible scripts” grow as we subconsciously reinforce them, each time we see a real-life example.
We Expect It To Be Difficult
E.g., John has a friend named Arun who gets hired as a data analyst. Arun does not negotiate his salary, and accepts an offer that is less than what he hopes to earn. Arun tells John about his new job offer – and the associated salary. John remembers the story, and uses it to reinforce his belief that he (John) too will be underpaid in a new data analyst position.
This expectation of struggle is repeated in identifying a life partner. If you have friends who are struggling to meet and get to know the right person, you might be tempted to use their experiences to reinforce a belief that finding a partner is inherently difficult, and a struggle.
Strategy > Struggle
As with finding a job, meeting your life partner is about strategy. You can’t find a data analyst job if you don’t know where these roles are advertised. You won’t pass an interview if you don’t know which questions are going to be asked, and how you can practice and prepare to answer them in a way that makes the hiring manager want to hire you.
Meeting suitable matches is a question of knowing where to find like-minded profiles, and how to create and develop emotional connection with them. I share more detailed information on this in my email newsletters.
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